Secret Agent 004- Licensed to Thrill!
by Damien
Summary: There's a man who lives a life of danger...


Secret Agent 004 License to thrill 

Secret Agent 004 Licensed to thrill 

A Urusei Yatsura Fanfiction 

Disclaimer: All UY characters are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission. 

Prologue 

"If my demands are not met within forty-eight hours, I will use the device to cause an earthquake that will remove the island of Japan from the face of this planet you call Earth. So get to it! T.T.F.N!" 

The player stopped and the man that was known only as Onsen turned to his top agent, a young Japanese man with swept back hair, handsome face, and a smile most women would die for. His name... Mendou, Shutaro Mendou, a.k.a. 007, premiere agent of the Emperor's Secret Service and licensed to kill. 

"What are they asking for?" the young agent asked opening a dossier of photos sitting on the desk in front of him. He began to thumb through the pictures. It was the usual looking bunch of thugs; all wearing tiger striped battle dress uniforms. 

'But... What's with the horns?' Mendou idly thought. 

"They are calling themselves the 'O.N.I.'." 

"The oni? Is that some kind of joke? Oni's don't exist," Mendou said with a chuckle. He contumeliously tossed the folder containing the pictures back on to the desk, causing the photos to spill out. So he was going against a group of international terrorists who glued fake horns to their heads? His expression took on an air of contempt, and he leaned back in his chair. This hardly sounded like the kind of case that warranted *his* attention. 

Onsen recognized the smug look on his agent's face; his own became stern. "The boys and girls in the Intel Ops section believe it's an acronym standing for the Omni Neo Insurrection. The name implies world domination. They are demanding one trillion yen and a quarter ton of pickled plums or Japan will be the first nation to fall to the ONI." 

"How credible is the threat?" 

"The ONI are claiming responsibility for the two minor quakes that hit Okinawa and Hokkaido last week." Onsen met Mendou in the eye. "The government is taking the threat very seriously, 007." 

'Of course, they would haven't called for me otherwise,' Mendou thought with a slight grin. This was more like it, still horns? How tough could these guys be. 

Onsen pressed a button on his desk and the bookshelf behind him lowered to reveal a television monitor. Pressing a few more keys on a nearby keyboard, the monitor switched on to reveal a beautiful woman with black hair tied into a bun. She wore red black military fatigues and carried what looked like a futuristic bazooka. She appeared to be taking aim at an M1A1 tank. 

Mendou appraised the woman with an experienced eye and became more attentive in his chair. 'Ah! *Now* this is looking more like my kind of case.' 

"This is Benten, third in command and head of the ONI military arm," Onsen instructed. 

On screen Benten took aim at the tank and fired. Her shot fell short of the tank, but the blast from the round's explosion was enough to flip the tank over and set it on fire. 

"Standing next to her is the person we believe to head the organization. Her name is Oyuki. Refined, reserved and as cold as her name implies...." 

The monitor then panned to a young woman with sky blue hair wearing an exquisitely designed kimono. Her long blue hair was damp and splayed all about her beautiful and stoic face. It "appeared" that she had been standing too close to the fire and the dampness of her hair and face was due to perspiration. Her clothes also looked singed. 

"She has been seen making the rounds in all the worlds financial sectors. Of the reports we have been able to intercept heading to and from their island base, all roads lead back to her. No decision gets made that does not have her direct approval," Onsen continued. 

Back on the monitor, Oyuki's eyes narrowed ever so slightly at Benten, who had put her hands up defensively and began to slowly back away. 

Onsen gave a pointed look at his agent, who nodded in understanding. It definitely looked as though Oyuki was running the show. 

Raising a hand, Oyuki pointed at the burning chunk of metal that was once the world's premiere battle tank. In seconds it is encased in ice. 

Mendou blinked at what he saw, and then blinked again for good measure. Finally, he smacked a fist in his hand in understanding. Pointing at the block of ice he explained, "No doubt this is a recording of some type of field test of an ice ray weapon of some sort. This Oyuki is obviously giving them leave to fire," Mendou said, indicating the pointing Oyuki on the screen. What else could it be? 

"Astute as always 007, 'M' thinks that it somehow uses the water molecules in the air," replied Onsen. 

"Such beautiful young ladies," Mendou said looking at the stills of Benten and Oyuki on the screen. "Fire and ice." 

Onsen noticed the lecherous look in his agent's eye. "This is serious 007. The fate of the world could be at stake here! None of your usual fooling around." 

Mendou's smirk grew wider and he leaned back in his chair. Would he be here if anything less were at stake? Was he not 007? He rakishly ran a hand through his swept back hair and quickly realized his mistake. Slyly, he wiped his hand off on the side of the chair. "Sir, I assure you Shutaro Mendou does not 'fool around'. I was merely admiring the scenery. Even you must admit, these are two beautiful young ladies." 

"Three," Onsen replied getting back to business. He thumbed his remote and the monitor changed to a view of a cute innocent looking redhead. "This is Ran. She claims to be the best friend of the organization's leader, but recently they have had some kind of falling out." 

"She's Oyuki's best friend?" Mendou asked. 

"She claims to be an insider to the organization head, but we can't confirm her story. In any case, it will be up to you to decide whether or not to put any stock in her story, she is your primary contact for this mission." 

"Really?" Mendou asked with a glint. This mission was looking better and better all the time. "Anymore?" 

"No one of importance..." Onsen let the tape play, and the screen panned around the outside of the ONI compound for a few scenes. The view next turned towards the ground as if the cameraman had lowered the recorder but forgot to stop recording. The camera then appeared to change hands as a close-up of Ran's face came on screen. She was holding the camera in both hands and pointing it at herself, with a great big smile. Finally, almost stealthily, the camera's view walked the ground until it reached a pair tiger striped boots. Hesitantly, the camera inched up the form fitting knee high boots until the scene became erratic. The camera pointed every which way and sparks everywhere. 

Mendou's eyes widen in shock and he looked questioningly at Onsen, who shrugged. "Must have been some kind of short circuit." 

Mendou nodded, but wasn't convinced. That was *some* short circuit, but then again... what else could it have been? "So..." Mendou said as he stood up, "Where and when do I have contact with the lovely Ran?" He took a comb from his pocket and straightened a stray hair or two, then threw the ruined comb into a nearby wastebasket. 

Shaking his head, Onsen answered. "Ran claims that the group leadership will be staying at the Hotel Fuuryuu this evening in Tokyo before returning from a conference back to their island base. We need you make contact and ascertain the location of the island base, in case we need to call in a desperation air strike. We've tried to triangulate its position from intercepted transmissions but we keep failing somehow. It's as if the island moves, but that isn't possible. After radioing in the island's location, find and eliminate their earthquake machine. 'M' has a few gadgets that should facilitate to you on this mission. You will have thirty-six hours to complete your mission. If you fail to do so in that time... the Americans, on Japan's behalf, will carry out a nuclear strike." 

"Americans, no sense of style. Well, none of it will be necessary in any case. I'm sure Ran, Benten and Oyuki will be far more devastated by my smile than any crude missile." Mendou stood and straightened his clothes. "If there is nothing else, I'm going to go see 'M', then I'll be on my way to the Hotel Fuuryuu." 

"One more thing... because of the important nature of the case and due to the short time constraints, we thought it necessary to give you a partner..." Onsen pressed the button on his phone for the intercom. "You can send him in now, Mrs. Miyake." 

'Him? Not a lovely woman scientist or seismologist or something?' Mendou raised a hand in protest. "Really Sir, I don't think a partner will be necessary. He'll just get in my way." 

"But that'll be his job, to act as a diversion for you. Believe me, once he gets started, you could walk around the Hotel Fuuryuu without any pants and with a bell around your neck and no one would notice you. Mrs. Miyake, please send him in," Onsen asked on the intercom again. 

"Just give us a minute," an annoyed voiced answered back. "Wait, better make that ninety minutes... Hell, call back tomorrow. See, I told you so, Shinobu. They're sending me out on a dangerous mission. I'm not expected to make it back. This might be my last opportunity to be with you..." Apparently he forgot to turn off the intercom. 

Just outside the office, Shinobu Miyake, Onsen's secretary, was just starting to cry. 

"Is... is that really true, Ataru?" She asked, looking for a tissue. 

"Of course it's true." Ataru replied in a deep quiet voice. "Shinobu..." He walked from around her desk and kneeled before her. Gently wiping a tear from her cheek with the caress of a finger, he continued, "Shinobu, I know that I haven't always been the most... loyal of guys. I admit that I have a wandering eye. But... in the end, I have always seen myself with you. When I go to sleep at night, it's you that I think about. Now that my time may be coming, it's you I want to spend my final moments with," he finished, brushing a hand across her damp cheek and allowing his fingers to linger in her shoulder length hair. 

Shinobu couldn't resist any longer. She dropped from her chair and threw her arms around the young man she had sorted of dated since being five years old. Ataru let the embrace linger for a moment, before he delicately broke it. With his dark brown eyes, he looked deeply into Shinobu's own, watching them as they slowly closed. A toothy lusted filled smile quickly replaced the calm, emotional expression that had been on his face a second before. He too closed his eyes, and with a firm hand supporting her back, slowly bent Shinobu back for the kiss of both of their lifetimes. He had spent most of his... practicing for just this moment. 

Just before their lips could touch, Onsen threw open the door to his office. 

"MOROBOSHI!" 

Surprised, both Shinobu and Ataru fell over, their foreheads knocking with a thud. Shinobu quickly stood, blushing from head to toe. She bowed her head to Onsen in apology and resumed her place behind her desk. 

Ataru Moroboshi didn't bother picking himself off the floor. It was where he spent a large majority of his time anyway. 

"Something... Something or someone always gets in the way! The gods must HATE me or something!" Ataru cried as he continually banged his head on the floor. "WHEN DO *I* GET TO SCORE!" He shouted, thrusting both fists into the air as he implored the heavens for an answer. 

Shinobu quickly crushed him with her desk. 

"Did I say that out loud?" he meekly asked under the rubble of wood. 

Despite the clear blue skies outside the unassuming office building, which concealed the offices of Japan's secret intelligence agency, thunder roared heaven's reply. 


End file.
